Soderquists' sad, pitiful exit seemed predetermined
Post-Tribune (IN)
September 20, 2015
Soderquists' sad, pitiful exit seemed predetermined
Keith and Deborah Soderquist make it difficult to care about the next, unhappy stage in their sad lives.
They stole from political allies and pretended they didn't, but far worse, they stole food from hungry children. They didn't care. With luck, their menus soon will feature federal prison food.
Nothing about the pitiable deception of Lake Station's former mayor and his wife is exceptional. Their joint trial was excruciatingly devoid of intrigue because dull people make for dull criminals.
They could have used some of the $245,334 they lost on a better wardrobe. But for those who prefer Billy the Kid dash or Blagojevich daring in their criminals, the Soderquists were gray CPAs in ill-fitting suits.
They stole money from the local food pantry and campaign supporters to feed their back-saddled slot machine monkey. But they left bright electronic breadcrumb trails.
Federal prosecutors have electronic bloodhounds. So now the Soderquists get federal hoosegow chow.
Their guilt was depressingly preordained.
Indeed, the next time a local official is charged with federal political pickpocketing, you might thumb through our CliffsNotes that reveal how the political version of "Moby Dick" ends without needing to absorb the entire turgid glop.
Here's a hint. Federal prosecutors always win local political prosecutions. They always do.
As evidence, here are Four Theorems of Guilty-as-Sin Jurisprudence.
Theorem 1: They were always guilty. The next Soderquists will be guilty too. And the next.
Proof: Inside Lake County political thermodynamics, any politician charged with a federal crime is always guilty or at least will be convicted 100 percent of the time. History never lies.
Theorem 2: Your God-Given Constitutional Right To Be Presumed Innocent does not always apply to political crooks and, in fact, might be functionally irrelevant.
Proof: Sure, it's the Constitution, but we're only trying to conserve your thinking time. You can choose either Thomas Jefferson or John Calvin to guide your moral pretrial judgments. You didn't actually believe O.J. Simpson and Josef Mengele were innocent, did you?
Federal prosecutors never charge political crooks without a virtual Calvinism-infused predestined conviction. They always have the proof. Piles of it. Always. That's why they are federal prosecutors. This is not as hard as it looks.
Theorem 3: The Soderquists affirmed that gambling junkies are incompetent political crooks.
Proof: Gambling junkies suspend their cerebral discernments. Despite always losing bets, they believe they will win and be resurrected on the next wager.
If you want to bet your child's next meal on a slot machine, casinos will accommodate that logic too. The Soderquists bet the next meal of someone else's child.
Between 2009 and 2012, the Soderquists lost $140,000 at two casinos, mostly the Four Winds Casino in New Buffalo, Mich. Between 2007 and 2013, it was $245,334.
Not only did they throw $40,000 in pantry and campaign contributions into a rising pile of gambling losses, they gave the pilfered loot to Michigan, which should breed its own suckers.
The Soderquists were not only thieves but bad gamblers.
They could have won, couldn't they? The mathematical answer is no. They played slot machines to the virtual exclusion of all other enticements. One-arm bandits are illusions designed specifically for suckers.
Bettors make money in casinos only if they are disciplined, trained poker players or adept at secretly counting cards in blackjack.
Taking your money is what casinos are built to do, and slots constitute 70 percent of all casino revenue.
Gambling experts say there is only one sure way for suckers to win at slots. Hit one big payoff and then leave the casino forever.
Theorem 4: The Scott King Paradigm.
Proof: Calumet Township trustee and former Gary Mayor Dozier Allen Jr., East Chicago Mayor George Pabey, Gary Councilwoman Marilyn Krusas, County Surveyor George Van Til. All Scott King clients. All public defrauders. All convicted.
Add the Soderquists.
King expresses horrified shock and dismay at every outcome.
Krusas didn't file tax returns for 20 years and hid an inheritance so that she wouldn't have to pay back taxes. King called her a person of integrity. Lawyers often lose their dictionary.
King even gave the Gary mayor's office to Allen as a parting gift in 2006. At the time, he seemed the only local politician King knew who wasn't in jail.
King is probably a good lawyer who gets many clients acquitted. But not political crooks.
How much do bus tickets to the federal pen cost crooked local politicians? The bankrupt Soderquists paid King $8,500.
Let's hope he didn't take a debit card.
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